


Your Arms, They Keep Me Steady

by holtzmanns



Category: Ghostbusters (2016), Ghostbusters - All Media Types
Genre: But it's sweet, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, More comfort than hurt, ok not really hurt/comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-27
Updated: 2016-08-27
Packaged: 2018-08-11 06:46:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7880608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holtzmanns/pseuds/holtzmanns
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Her hands shake, and she’s not sure if it’s because she’s standing outside in the February winter without a jacket or from the ‘what if’ scenarios spinning around in her head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your Arms, They Keep Me Steady

It’s a little bit after three when Erin gets the call.

The excitement over conquering a nasty horde of prohibition era ghosts in an old bar, the raucous laughter and suggestions for lunch all fade into the background as she tries to focus on the voice at the other end of the phone, pausing the motion of hanging up her jumpsuit and gear.

“-A few hours ago, they’re taking him into surgery now, we don’t know the full extent of the damage to his heart-“

She’s frozen in place, gripping the wall as she listens to a voice that she hasn’t heard since storming out of thanksgiving dinner a few months ago. Erin’s parents’ disappointment at the loss of her potential tenure at Columbia had been the preferred dinner topic, outweighing any pride they may have had over the fact that she had helped save the city only a few months before.

“-A heart attack, it makes no sense, he eats so well and runs three times a week-“

She tries to make sense of her mother’s words as the room begins to feel like it’s closing in on her. Everything is too crowded, too overwhelming as the information starts to sink into her brain.

She needs to get out.

Erin hardly registers the icy winter air swirling on the sidewalk in front of the firehouse, flurries dusting her face as her mind takes her back to the call. Her father is in the hospital after a heart attack - the same father whose approval she has so desperately wanted her entire life but not yet achieved, the same father whose look of resigned disappointment is the one she faces every time she visits home.

Her hands shake, and she’s not sure if it’s because she’s standing outside in the February winter without a jacket or from the ‘what if’ scenarios spinning around in her head.

Erin’s parents have always seemed like unbreakable forces to her; two individuals who spent their life striving for excellence while encouraging their daughter to do the same. Her fierce need to prove herself and to be accepted has stemmed from them, from parents who were never, ever satisfied. It appears though, that even seemingly indestructible figures can fall.

She doesn’t know how to feel. Richard Gilbert had never been an affectionate or present father, as he was (and still is) always thrown into his work. His visits to her elementary school science fairs were often cut short by conference calls, and his late nights in the office prevented him from having the opportunity to bond with her and be anything other than an authority figure.

But he’s her dad and she’s hours away and she feels so helpless, he’s in surgery and she’ll need to fly back home and be there for him and there’s a possibility she’ll never have the chance to make him truly proud of her-

Erin leans against the brick wall of the firehouse, willing the tears not to fall as she tries to calm her breathing. The snow is falling harder now, dusting her black sweater and denim jeans with white flakes as she folds her arms in to keep warm. Her entire body is shaking while the wind flows around her, as people trudge on the icy sidewalk bundled in down coats, mittens, and scarves that cover half of their faces. Some do a double take as they pass her, presumably at her choice in attire.

She knows she needs to go inside. It’s not safe to be out in this weather, she’ll get sick; but she’s stuck in place. She can’t move, not when she has to tell the rest of the team and make travel preparations and hope and hope that her father gets through this-

“Erin?”

Warm hands envelop hers as she looks up to see concerned blue eyes that search her face for an answer. Holtzmann.

“We saw you run out after dropping your phone, Patty called your name but you seemed not to hear her…you’re shaking. Where’s your coat?”

Erin doesn’t have time to react before Holtzmann shrugs out of her giant knee length parka (one that dwarfed the engineer and was so unapologetically Holtzmann) and drops it on her shoulders. The weight of the coat grounds Erin, slightly calming the buzzing worries in her brain that threaten to overwhelm her.

Erin feels Holtzmann pull her inside the lobby of the firehouse, though the front door remains open as the wind pushes against it, keeping it from closing. Nonetheless, the change in temperature is stark, and Erin lets out a shiver. Holtzmann doesn’t let go of her hands, trying to warm up the fingers that seem eternally frozen. Normally, such physical contact would cause Erin to flush and overanalyze the situation, but her mind is in Michigan, where her father was inevitably getting his chest cut open at this very moment. She can feel Holtzmann’s eyes on her as she finally gets the words out.

“My dad had a heart attack. He’s…alive, for now. In surgery.”

Saying it out loud gives the words a sense of finality, of truth. There is no off chance that this day has simply been a dream, that she will be able to wake up at any time and be certain that her father, her authoritarian, high striving father was okay.

Holtzmann doesn’t say anything in response, and instead shifts her grip on Erin’s hands and pulls her forward, wrapping her arms around the physicist still clothed in the oversized parka. She’s been trying so hard to hold herself together and think rationally so that she can figure out her next step, and Holtzmann’s embrace is like an anchor, keeping her steady in a situation where she feels like she’s going to fall apart.

Erin realizes faintly, despite the various thoughts swirling around her brain, that this is the first time she’s ever hugged Holtzmann. She buries her face into Holtzmann’s neck as her hands grip the back of the engineer’s button down shirt when she hears her speak. 

“My dad died when I was eight.”

Holtzmann’s voice is quiet as Erin pulls back slightly to look at her in surprise. The engineer’s focus is on the icy ground beneath them as her voice comes out soft and stilted. “He was a high school science teacher but didn’t really feel the need to go into academics, and rather wanted to enrich the next generation of young minds that didn’t really care about school for the most part.

“He wasn’t bothered much by the fact that I didn’t behave the way other girls my age did like my mom was, or that I preferred to take apart the clocks in our house rather than play with the dolls I’d inevitably receive on birthdays. He encouraged it actually, loved explaining their inner workings to me as I tried to put them back together again.

“It was a car crash. We didn’t live in a busy area at the time; it was in the suburbs. One of his previous students had too much to drink at a party, got behind the wheel, and my dad’s car had managed to get in his way.”

She whispers the last part, and Erin can almost hear the longing in the blonde’s voice for a parent who was taken too soon. Holtzmann’s father sounded so similar yet different from hers, someone who had encouraged his daughter the way Erin’s had but in a way that was helpful rather than hindering. He had clearly fanned the flame inside Holtzmann responsible for her curiosity and need for answers that was still present today. While overwhelmed with the uncertainty around her own father, she couldn’t imagine losing him if he was like Holtzmann’s.

“Jillian… I’m so sorry.”

Holtzmann’s first name sounds foreign on her tongue, not something that she’s used to saying, but the engineer had revealed information from a time before when she was always referred to by her last name, a time when she was still young and vulnerable and yet to experience so much of life.

“Doing this, all the inventing and innovation, creating these contraptions, helps me connect with him. I don’t know if he’s watching or out there somewhere, or maybe even a ghost that we may catch one day,” she smiles at that, “but I remember the way he used to be. The way his eyes would light up as he explained an experiment to me before showing it to his students the next day. How he’d stay up into the night trying to find ways to make it perfect, to draw his students in.”

Erin can see the wistful expression on Holtzmann’s face, of a time before everything changed for her.

“Staying up late while engrossed in his work? That sounds like you,” says Erin, squeezing the engineer’s hand, which was starting to get as cold as hers.

Holtzmann lets out a small laugh, finally bringing her gaze up from the ground to meet Erin’s. “I guess it does.”

Erin realizes what a big deal it is for Holtzmann to reveal this to her. Holtzmann, loud, excitable Holtzmann, who loved to dance around her lab and make her blush and walk with a swagger most couldn’t achieve, was never one to share much about her personal life. When conversations turned to families, to relationships, she was quick to deflect, willing to listen rather than contribute. As a result, none of the other three Ghostbusters pushed her, for there could be unwanted experiences and memories from her past that she did not want to bring up again.

Erin has always assumed that Abby knew more than she let on, having known Holtzmann the longest, but didn’t ever press her either, knowing Holtzmann would reveal things on her own if she wanted to. She was happy to let the engineer be herself, someone who embraced the moment and lived in the now rather than in the past.

“What I’m trying to say is…I get it.” Holtzmann’s voice is stilted, as if she’s trying to figure out how to word what she wants to convey. “Whatever happens with your dad, I’ve been there. If you need someone to lean on, to talk to while you get through this, I’m here.”

Erin searches the engineer’s face for signs of joking, for lightness, and finds none, only sincerity. “Thank you, Holtz. And thank you for telling me.”

The blonde shrugs, releasing Erin from her embrace slightly as she looks up at her. “It’s not a big deal, Gilbert, really.” She reaches up to brush the fallen tear streaks that still line Erin’s face from when she was standing outside on her own, only to raise a brow when she notices that they’ve frozen solid. They are still standing in the entrance after all, neither bothering to close the door that is still allowing the cold winter air to flow through.

“Well, would you look at that? It seems as if you have magical ice powers, snow queen.” Holtzmann quips, a smirk on her face already.

Erin lets out a small bubble of a laugh despite herself as Holtzmann winks at her, before interlacing their fingers and pulling her inside from the cold. Abby was usually the one with the strongest mothering instincts of their group, the one who was quick to reassure and calm someone down whenever things got difficult. However, Holtzmann’s words are the ones that she needed to hear. She doesn’t know what will happen with her dad, and has so much left to do before she heads out home towards the hospital he’s been brought to, but the uncertainties now seem little less overwhelming.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This started off as a response to the prompt “you burst out crying but it’s so cold and your tears froze and now you’re crying and laughing at the same time as i hold you in my arms and tell you everything will be fine” but sort of evolved into something else. Hope you enjoyed! I would appreciate any feedback that you have.
> 
> tumblr: dinoscully  
> twitter: katescullys


End file.
